Friday, October 31, 2008

"You Don't Need Freud When You're Dealing With Caligula"


A choice gobbet from the fab Gore Vidal on a Guardian page of contributions from various writers and artists, examining what the paper curiously refers to as the 'cultural legacy' of the soon-exiting George Bush. Something which should make for very few words indeed.
The piece can be read in full here...

Here's a bit more Gore...
"Although all politicians tell lies, Bush has gone right round the bend as a liar and he'll be remembered for a great many of the lies, starting with weapons of mass destruction and going on and on. That's the only legacy.
Oliver Stone, I gather, is doing father-and-son stories. I'm very fond of Oliver, but you don't need Freud when you're dealing with Caligula..."


Other contributors include Edward Albee, Naomi Wolf and Daniel Libeskind.

(*Photo nicked from hEyOkA mAgAzInE - where you can read Gore Vidal's Article of Impeachment)



Thursday, October 30, 2008

Doggie Style

Whilst I generally question the mental health of pet owners who dress their animals up, you've got to love this...
Particularly at Halloween :)



Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Music From The Worm Farm


I've just finished designing a website for composer Keith Johnson for the fascinating "Music From The Worm Farm" project, a six month residency on a R&D project in the MRC Cell Biology Unit at University College London and funded by the Wellcome Trust.
The project aims to explore "the deep questions at the heart of both our interests are those that concern the brain and the body, what we think and what we do, and the mysterious middle ground between them."

The main website is here... and its ongoing journal/blog is here...

The project culminates in live performances of the work that comes out of the residency next year. What I've heard so far sounds terrific...



Monday, October 27, 2008

"There's Been A (Virtual) Murrrrrder"

(*Above: Don't trust the little bastards... One of these critters could be a ruthless killer...)


In a perfect example of what happens when you don't get out enough, a woman in the far east has been jailed for 'virtual murder' after killing her virtual exh-husband who had just got a virtual divorce from her in a virtual reality game called Maplestory.
The whole sorry - and let's face it, bloody bizarre, story is here...

Though, surely, rather than jailing her in the real world the most reasonable and appropriate (and nerdy) thing to do would be put her Maplestory character in a virtual jail....?



Google Earth For iPhone

Google Earth hits the small screen with the release of its iPhone (and iPod Touch) version.
Although a natural for a nice big monitor and a fast computer, it holds up surprisingly well within the confines of the iPhone.
As well as some decent smooth zooming and searching - and the inclusion of familiar functions such as photos and Wikipedia location notes, it also holds the odd nice touch in reserve such as using the iPhone's tilting to alter the view from 'above' to the more 3D angle treatment.
I need to get to know it a bit more but first impressions are pretty sweet :)
Here's a quick trial run...


1 - Initial view



2 - Searching for "Talavera de la Reina"



3 - View of Talavera de la Reina, with picture icons and Wikipedia icon showing up (activated by tapping...)



4 - Tilted over, looking in 3D 'landscape' view, north from Talavera (the compass icon shows up in the top right corner)


Just go to the iTunes Store, and seaarch for "Google Earth"...
Enjoy :)





Thursday, October 23, 2008

Apple responds to M$ "I'm a PC" Advert

I just thought it'd be worth posting this as I noticed Microsoft have started running their "I'm a PC" ad on British TV. It's worth shedding some light on where it came from, and Apple's response.

Here's the story...
Fro some reason that's genuinely beyond me, Microsoft felt sufficiently threatened by Apple's ongoing "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" ads where John Hodgman and Justin Long take on the personalities of said hardware, that they decided they needed to spend some $300 million on a big-guns response.

I'll just say that again... $300 million.

First thing they did was they decided to make this response about three years after Apple's ads started running. D'oh!

Second thing they did was run two ads of Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld in shopping malls and foisting themselves on a small family home. This was one of the most baffling and creepy things on TV since Twin Peaks quite frankly. Oh and it contained less humour than Twin Peaks.

Third thing they did was do a "direct" response to the "I'm a Mac" ads - with one tiny flaw... Instead of people pretending to be PCs (and explaining their network problems, rebooting problems etc) they paraded a vast number of ethnically diverse people from all over the globe who appeared to believe that they were in fact actually PCs. ("I'm a PC and I have a beard", "I'm a PC and I catch fish"...) This was clearly intended to be a big smiley touchy feely "We are the world" moment for M$ but again it ended up being kind of - well... bloody peculiar. Honestly - just watch it through. These people need sectioning.

In short M$ flung an obscene amount of money at a campaign that fundamentally misunderstands what it's supposed to be countering, and in the case of the Seinfeld/Gates home invaders just doesn't attempt to really do anything connected to any kind of reality.
All this while they could have actually been fixing the PR disaster that is Vista.
Apple's response - you can't call it a 'rebuttal' as there was nothing of any substance to genuinely rebutt - is short and sweet; typically mischievous and very funny.



Sadly - we don't get these over here in the UK. We only got the Mitchell & Webb versions, which - much as it pains me to say it - really just didn't work. They seemed to get quietly discontinued. Probably for the best...
You don't want to run an ad campaign that's not really that good, do you.
Unless you're M$ perhaps...



Monday, October 20, 2008

Curious Tombstones

Strange skull & crossbone gravestones at Glencorse Old Kirk near Edinburgh, where I was at my friend Matthew's wedding on the weekend...





Friday, October 17, 2008

Yours, Not-Nearly-Disgusted-Enough Of Tunbridge Wells...

Given the nauseating frequency of whining complaint letters from prudes, philistines, bigots and shitwits who seem totally unable to locate a 'change channel' or 'off' button on their remote when life so desperately requires it, this gem from the "Duty Log Mental" section of the excellent Holy Moly Weekly Mailshot is a genuinely refreshing change...


Dear ITV
I am writing to complain in the strongest terms about the level of violent and sexually explicit scenes in the recent TV series Lost In Austen. To begin with there was virtually no violence at all. There were plenty of occasions where the lead characters could have "mixed things up a little" by delivering a hard slap across the face, a kick in the shins or a kidney punch. These are all fairly standard fare in television drama these days, and the level of excitement in this series could have been considerably enhanced but their more liberal use.

When Jemima Rooper's character finally delivered an entirely deserved knee in the groin, my wife and I found ourselves punching the air and shouting "at last!" Then there were the sexually explicit scenes, sorry, no there weren't - they were entirely missing! In a programme that puports to be a modern slant on a novel which in it's day, was considered highly passionate, risque even, I should have thought there would be ample justification for nudity and sexual scenes.

Indeed, it was only the prospect of there being, eventually, a bit of exposed flesh that kept my wife and I viewing this series to the bitter end. Ultimately we felt rather cheated and wished we'd spent the time watching the excellent re-runs of The Sweeney on Men and Motors.

The whole point of the so called watershed is that it offers the adult viewer a degree of certainty about the level of gratuitous sex and violence they can look forward to in programming shown at this time. My children however, enjoyed the series enormously, though they were somewhat disappointed by lack of swearing even by the modern day characters. I hope you will pass these comments on to the programme makers.


(via email - unedited)



Thursday, October 16, 2008

Queen Appears In Google Logo - Today Only

Bit of trivia / guff... Today, in honour of a visit to Google's UK headquarters, the Queen is part of the logo on the front page of Google. The company occasionally bastardises its logo / masthead for things like Christmas, Valentines or Halloween.
Amazingly they've still allowed it to look like it's been done with MS Word Clipart...
OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!



Wednesday, October 15, 2008

More Squirrels...

Many thanks for sending in more squirrel pics.
They're clearly everywhere and they're clearly - to a large extent - evil / violent buggers...






So we could definitely use this one...





Apple's Underwhelming New MacBook Designs


Although I have to say that the main point of the Apple media event yesterday - the launch of new MacBooks - left me a bit cold, a bit "Meh..." (although it's good news that they're the industry's greenest notebooks) and sadly in product design terms a bit "eeewwwww" (isn't that plasticky black screen-bordering and keyboard honestly a bit Fugly and tacky?) the Question and Answer session, Steve Jobs responded to a number of questions of ongoing interest to the Mac faithful. Most notably:

Blu-Ray - "It’s great to watch the movies, but the licensing of the tech is so complex, we’re waiting till things settle down and Blu-ray takes off in the marketplace."

TouchScreen Display - "so far it hasn’t made a lot of sense to us."

Netbook (low cost laptop) - "a nascent market that’s just getting started."

I have to admit that I'd rather see a bit more of a result from the "Think Different" philosophy rather than yet another plain-ish upgrade and complication of a standard product line.
Things like the trackapd technology and the learnings from the iPhone project msut surely be able to push touch-screen displays into some interesting places, like the ever-awaited 'tablet' / 'new Newton'...




...And Relax


Hovering on the verge of a potentially fatal Anger-Stroke on account of Jacqui Bloody Smith (see previous post) - I have to say ThankYou to Chris for lightening the mood by passing me this picture of a particularly dangerous squirrel.

Although I find this one more scary...



As One Threat Subsides, Another Pushes Forward

(*Above: Totalitarian mentalist Jacqui Smith gets to grips with policing priorities)


Although it was brilliant to see the House of Lords shit on the 42-day detention bill - and also hilarious yet irritating to hear Jacqui Smith's horrendously patronising "you may not care about terrorism but I do" comments afterwards, it looks like the malevolent good-for-nothing old bat is getting her revenge in quick with this nasty piece of work...

It's to be resisted at all costs of course - hopefully we'll be pleasantly surprised by the Lords again (there's certainly little hope of finding anybody with a spine in the Labour benches to shoot this kind of crap to bits).
Time to join PROTECT THE HUMAN if you haven't already done so.

Should we really be entrusting the liberty of our citizens to this preposterous woman who's so bloody paranoid she thinks she deserves a medal for going out and buying a kebab?



Sunday, October 12, 2008

Cock Of The Week - Andy Burnham


There’s something immensely depressing about people wanting to make libraries jolly and lively and full of buzz. If it were the idea of a five-year old you could probably forgive them (after a quick slap round the chops) but when it’s the idea of your nation's supposed “Culture Secretary” then you really need to worry.

Andy Burnham’s call for “joy and chatter” in libraries is one of the most absurd notions I’ve heard in recent times. What next - conga lines at funerals? There is *no need* for joy and chatter, because you can get that anywhere. A library can still be family-friendly without having to sound like bloody riot’s going on in the middle of it. It can still be a social space - it already is, of course. What kind of dunderhead can’t tell the difference between a *social* space and a *noisy* one...?
Oh hang on, I know the answer to that one...

There are plenty of places (or "social spaces") where people - and families - can go and make noise. McDonalds springs to mind as a pretty obvious choice. Or a leisure centre or Starbucks or park or swimming pool or Burger King or other eatery or cafe or internet cafe or supermarket or theme park or high street or experience park or pub or basically almost everybloodywhere.
The point of libraries is that they should absolutely NOT be full of joy and chatter. Well, joy perhaps, but you can still easily do that in peace and quiet if you’re reading or thinking the right thing.
The fact that this idiotic idea comes from someone who’s supposed to be in charge of culture (and libraries of course) is an enormous worry because it suggests that either a) he’s never been in a library or b) he hates libraries.
Or possibly both of the above.
One thing’s for sure - it’s a totally awful idea; a typically miserable little New Labour brainfart; a vacuous, offensive, pointless, meaningless guff - bereft of reason, virulently anti-culture, and ultimately just utter crap.

Libraries are one of the very very few places left where anybody can go and read and think in peace and quiet, untroubled by the outside world. People deserve to keep that kind of environment - for learning, for personal development, or just because it’s a good thing in itself. There’s nothing elitist in that; just a separation of study, peace, contemplation and solitude from the noise and static that fills the rest of the world.
To quote author Lynsey Hanley, “Go to the library and you're still in a social space whether or not anyone is talking. They used to call it companionable silence, but now there's so little of it I'm not sure anyone knows what it means. It means being able to look around you and feel a sense of deep commonality without having to articulate it out loud. You'd now have to go to a Quaker meeting house in order to find it.”

Sometimes, Mr Burnham, silence really is golden. Particularly so when your thought is so impoverished that a chatter-filled library is the kind of idea you come up with.
Or as Mark Twain put it (you’d know about him if you’d ever entered a library...)
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”



Saturday, October 11, 2008

This Month I Shall Mostly Be Wearing...

T-Shirts by these people...



Friday, October 10, 2008

How To Debate Like A True Vice-President

Sarah Palin may be a horror movie of epic proportions, but you can't deny she has a certain way with debating... And now YOU too can debate like her, using this simple chart to hone your skills until you resemble a grinning, shrieking, rabid Karen from Will & Grace.
Click on it to enlarge.




Has Brian Eno Made The Coolest iPhone App To Date?


Er... well, Yes actually.
Superb piece of work - and as creative, refreshing and innovative as you'd expect from Britain's national treasure in charge of brainiac music.
Bloom is not merely a music generator - a very clever ambient music generator - it's also an experience to be enjoyed passively or interactively. Probably why it's described as "part instrument, part composition and part artwork."
And it *is* pretty much a work of art in its own right.
Having set a basic "Mood" - which defines tone and colour, a drone starts up and you tap / press the screen wherever you want to create musical notes, which repeat in looping patterns and drive blossoming and fading 'dot' visuals across the colour gradients of the screen.
The application will even evolve and develop the 'music' if you leave it alone.
Then in the best traditions of Etch-a-Sketch you simply shake your phone around to clear the composition.

It's beautiful, and strangely addictive - and the fact that it's done with such a non-musical interface (just coloured washes, with no need for keyboards or buttons or anything) makes it a genuinely enjoyable and non-technical experience.
It's only a couple of quid and it's worth every single penny.
Awesome.

Here's the iTunes link to the Bloom application...



Our Money, Drains, Stable Doors, Bolting, Scum...


Nobody should be surprised by the 100% predictable follow-up to the bailout that despite a few mealy-mouthed / hollow / presposterously naive (select which you prefer) words from Brown and Darling that guess what... all those city bonuses will be "hard to rein in" and that the FASA has no plans to curb big bonuses and of course the fantastic riposte that if there were curbs then some of thse people (like *all* "high flyers" in the UK apparently) would go abroad.
Well - oooh - I'm quaking in my bloody boots. Let's be honest if this bunch of scumbuckets had gone abroad some time ago, maybe we wouldn't be in quite such a piss-poor state right now. Hell, it might not be a bad idea to spend a few bob on their plane tickets just to make sure we're rid of the tossers.

Quite frankly I'd have held a gun to these people's heads. *Before* lending them a single penny, explain to them that there's not a single bonus for an exec or trader until the taxpayer is paid back in full and with interest. And if that's not good enough for them they can bail out their own sorry arses. We're not going to be any better or worse off whatever they do.
A golden opportunity to serve up some justice, sanity and redress completely missed.



Thursday, October 9, 2008

Apple Finally Granted Patent For The Dock


After some nine years or so, Apple has finally been granted a patent for its "Dock" - a central feature of the OSX operating system - patent number 7,434,177 titled "User interface for providing consolidation and access."
It's an excellent feature, and constantly evolving (now incorporating "Stacks" of course) - and even though I hate the 3D version in Leopard, and have used a hack app to make it 2D, it's still excellent - a great piece of usability and superbly implimented with features like the magnification of icons on rollover and the 'genie' effect of swooping open documents in and out of it.
There is a superb article here which traces its history right back from its first genuine incarnation in the Nextstep operating system (which along with all other intellectual property) went to Apple in 1996 when they purchased NeXT, with Steve Jobs returning to the company he founded.



World War 1 As You've Never Seen It Before

(*Above: Vimy Ridge - One of hundreds of stunning and personal sketches and notes)


"The Pictures And Diary Of A Wartime Artist" is a phenomenal insight into the First World War by war artist Len Smith... A diary packed with more than 360 illustrations - many of them watercolors and sketches that had only previously been seen by his immediate family.
For someone like me whose grandad was in the Battle of the Somme and who has taken something of an interest in WW1 for that reason, it's quite something to see such a personal record laid bare, and adds so much to comprehending and visualising the human side.
It's beautifully rendered and delivered in a Flash-based online format and costs under a tenner.
Click here for full info and purchase...



W4 5TS :: 7.30AM :: 09_10_08

Taken on iPhone, shot treated with Camera Bag - an iPhone app that filters your pics with atmospheric "real" camera colours and textures.



Wednesday, October 8, 2008

ECDL: My First iMix


On pulling together an iTunes 'playlist' gift for a friend today, I thought why not press the other button too and submit it to the iTunes Music Store as an iMix... (that posh/wanky talk for 'playlist' if truth be told...)
And it worked.
So if you fancy a nice easy introduction to one of my favourite bands, El Canto Del Loco then clicking this link should launch iTunes on your computer and take you straight to "An ECDL Mix".
Alternatively just search for 'El Canto Del Loco' on iTunes and you'll find the iMix listed down the right hand side.
It contains the following songs...

Personas
Volvera
Ya Nada Volvera a Ser Como Antes
A Contracorriente
La Vida
Canciones
Son Sueños
Ekix
Peter Pan
Sera
Volver a Disfrutar
Insoportable
Despiertame
Dentro de Mi
Zapatillas
Una Foto en Blanco y Negro
Besos
Gigante


So - a really good combo of bouncy, big, subtle and beautiful.
All in a carefully considered order that's got me through plenty a shite tube journey.
Give them a try :)



Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Brown Brings Back Mandelson AND Campbell?


A Labour source told The Independent newspaper yesterday: "We are expecting Alastair (Campbell) to return for next June's elections and to work on the general election. With Peter Mandelson back on board, we are putting the band back together."
...Something which tends to confirm my theory that Mandy is not really back as Business Secretary but as part of some kind of satanic hit-squad to save the next election.
And something which would also explain the whiff of brimstone around central London right now.



Michael Hughes' Holiday Snaps





Monday, October 6, 2008

A Feast For The Eyes. And Brain.


The arrival of Battlestar Galactica - Season 4 on DVD (and its superfast arrival on my desk thanks to Play.com) is well worth shouting about.
Absolutely cracking stuff, right from the off - the cliffhanger from the close of Season 3, right through to a jaw-dropping final episode that leaves you gagging for more. Gagging till some time early next year sadly.
By far the most intelligent, incisive and imaginative TV I've watched in years, its explorations of politics, war, religion, philosophy and ultimately humanity demand a serious viewing. It also scores on eye-candy and gobsmacking CGI battles if you're so inclined.
The release also reminds me to post up a link to the brilliantly pretentious and beautifully crafted "LAST SUPPER" Season 4 promo (above) - littered with meaningful clues (apparently), and dissected here...



Friday, October 3, 2008

Would You Trust This Product?


I'm doing a piece of work at the moment that sadly involves an end-product's interface to be fulfilled with Microsoft's venture into Flash and Ajax territory... "Silverlight".
Clearly the offspring of Steve Ballmer and one of The Borg, it has - as you can see from the "Loading" screengrab above - a preposterously high opinion of itself and what it can do.



Football; It's A Funny Fucking Old Game

With many thanks to Ian for alerting me to this from the sports pages of The Guardian.
If you're a bit sensitive to C words and F words you'd best not read on (although it IS priceless and totally worth reaching the last couple of lines)...


The following is an edited transcript of Newcastle interim manager Joe Kinnear's first official press conference yesterday

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK You're a cunt.

SB Thank you.

JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.

SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?

JK I've fucking read it, I've read it.

SB It doesn't say that. Have you read it?

JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.

SB Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.

SB You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.

JK What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?

SB I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.

JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you.

SB So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?

JK It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?

SB No, you can listen to who you want.

JK I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.

SB Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.

JK No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.

SB What? More important things?

JK What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.

SB You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.

JK I was meeting the fucking chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.

SB It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.

JK I can't trust any of you.

Niall Hickman Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.

JK My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.

NH But why Monday, no one could believe it?

JK I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?

NH Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?

JK I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some cunt that ...

Other journalist How long is your contract for Joe?

JK None of your business.

SB Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know ...

JK I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to fucking hide, he's trying to do this or that.

There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.

Steve Brenner (football writer for the Sun) We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people cunts?

JK Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.

Newcastle press officer What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.

Journalist Well, is that what Joe thinks?

JK Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.

Journalist It's only been a week.

JK Exactly. It feels more like a year.

Journalist It's early days for you to be like this.

JK No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.

Journalist But this isn't going to do you or us any good.

JK I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ... I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "Well, that's a load of bollocks ..."

Journalist "Bollocks to that" is what you said.

JK Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?

Journalist That was it.

JK No it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?

Journalist I don't know.

JK It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".

Journalist I didn't write that.

JK That was my first fucking day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?

Journalist Where was that? Which paper said that?

JK I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.

Journalist But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.

JK I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?

Journalist Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle?"

JK Yes. Lovely.

Journalist I don't know who's reported that.

JK I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.

Journalist That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.

JK So have I. But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't fucking bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And don't twist anything.

Journalist You know, you know the game ...

JK Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.

Journalist Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're cunts, we can all fuck off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?

JK Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.

Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club

Press officer Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.

Journalist But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.

Press officer I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on.

Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?

PO: No, to doing something now.

Journalist: What, one press conference only?

(Silence)

Journalist: Any knocks?

PO: Come on, let's go football.

Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?

JK It's going very well. No problems at all.

Journalist Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?

JK Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.





Thursday, October 2, 2008

Pic Of The Day: Barbapapa Having Rough Sex

P. Michaud, S. Fisher and R. Carrasco from Gemini and T. Rector
Univ. of Alaska at Anchorage / Gemini Observatory


Nah... just kidding Barbapapa fans... Nothing nasty or sticky to get upset about... It's just stars and space gunk.
To celebrate the 400th anniversary of the telescope - one of the most important inventions in human history - here's a superb, yet strangely creepy picture of something that appears to be an enormous amoeba snogging session, but which is in fact a supernova remnant in the form of a vast cloud complex named DEM L316, located in the Large Magellanic Cloud.

There's more from the Gemini Observatory here...




As If The Turner Prize Isn't Bad Enough...

Along with the current outbreaks of mutilated cattle, howling dogs and walls starting to bleed, another sure sign of a forthcoming demonic apocalypse must be the unveiling of a solid gold statue of Kate Moss at the British Museum; said to be the largest gold statue to be made since ancient Egyptian times.
Although, given the presence of Damien Hirst and some 200 'specially created skulls' it could I suppose just be a sign of a load of old shite being dumped in the British Museum.



Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The iPhone Camera: Not Shit After All, Apparently...


Although I'd be the first to admit that the iPhone's camera isn't the best (kind of galling for such an Apple fanboy - but really, it *is* a bit pants), it's still phenomenal what you can do with one, given a bit of imagination and presumably a shedload of patience...
Look at these amazing, almost Hockney-esque montages by p0psharlow posted on Flickr...
Tremendous.

Spotted on Cult of Mac by Chris. Thanks :)



El Canto Del Loco - "Puede Ser" Video



If there's one thing that's guaranteed to get me out of bad moods, downers, sulks, being filled with hate at Turner Prize hopefuls (see earlier post), stuff like that... then it's watching this video.
It's by a favourite band of mine called El Canto Del Loco (or ECDL for short) who hail from Madrid. They are awesome in general, but the video for this song has to be one of my favourite things about them (although it's by no means new).
It's a great song - "Puede Ser" - and the video is a masterclass in style.
Shot wide in clean black and white, hugely minimalist - featuring Dani, David, Chema and Jandro and very little else apart from some wandering, nicely paced camera work, a couple of props and some cheeky bits of typography.
Simple, elegant and utterly beautiful; it always makes anything seem a little better.

You can find plenty of their videos on Youtube - including on their own 'channel' page, and they also have some on their 'group' page on Facebook.
If you enjoy those then you should consider the 3 DVD box set "Episodio I" - which contains a bunch of promos, a documentary and a live performance.
(*And most importantly avoids all that godawful compression scrunching that Youtube still manages to do on every bloody clip...)

Enjoy :)



It's The End Of The World As We Know It...

(*Up, up and away... we may have to find another planet to go and fuck up by 2050)


I must admit I've been thinking... Why all the fuss over the Credit Crunch? We might as well just get over it, as according to this report from July we're all doomed anyway.
The Earth will apparently become uninhabitable by around 2050 and we'll have to bugger off into space to colonise other planets; which I suppose at least means we can probably have cool sleeping quarters like they do on Battlestar Galactica...
Most important thing is that when we *do* go, we leave every banker, financier, citygit and FSA official behind on whatever remains of this smoking, toxic mudball.
And the Beckhams.
We *must* leave the Beckhams behind too...

Anyhooo - if you fancy doing something a teesny bit constructive between now and then though, then do check out COOL EARTH - a superb project to conserve and protect huge tracts of endangered rainforest by putting them into local guardianship through your funding.
One of the most admirable, constructive and practical conservation projects going on right now.
Go on, go on, go on... "buy" your loved one an acre or two...